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A Black Day
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
A day of mourning has been declared for the whole of Oxford today as it emerged today that Oxford University had been beaten once again in the QS world university rankings by its arch nemesis: Cambridge.
As the mist cleared this morning onlookers in Oxford city centre were treated to a scene of utter devastation: Crying undergraduates in sub fusc littered the streets, as dazed and confused academics wandered, lost, through the dreaming spires. The news that Cambridge has risen from 3rd place to 2nd in the world whilst Oxford lingers at a lonely 5th position was shocking, and proved too much for many people to bear.
To add insult to injury, Imperial College London has risen above Oxford in the rankings to lie in joint 2nd place with Cambridge, causing some naysayers to call for the age old term of "Oxbridge" to be replaced with an updated version of "Impbridge"! Needless to say Oxford University will fight to the death against this upstart newbie taking Oxfords place, with war cries echoing from the innermost chambers of Christ Church to the wide expanses of Port Meadow.
Who can say where this latest blow will leave the delicate minds of Oxfords greatest students, perhaps a mass exodus to deepest darkest London? Even, dare I suggest, to the Other Place? Probably not. Courage through adversity and all that....
As the mist cleared this morning onlookers in Oxford city centre were treated to a scene of utter devastation: Crying undergraduates in sub fusc littered the streets, as dazed and confused academics wandered, lost, through the dreaming spires. The news that Cambridge has risen from 3rd place to 2nd in the world whilst Oxford lingers at a lonely 5th position was shocking, and proved too much for many people to bear.
To add insult to injury, Imperial College London has risen above Oxford in the rankings to lie in joint 2nd place with Cambridge, causing some naysayers to call for the age old term of "Oxbridge" to be replaced with an updated version of "Impbridge"! Needless to say Oxford University will fight to the death against this upstart newbie taking Oxfords place, with war cries echoing from the innermost chambers of Christ Church to the wide expanses of Port Meadow.
Who can say where this latest blow will leave the delicate minds of Oxfords greatest students, perhaps a mass exodus to deepest darkest London? Even, dare I suggest, to the Other Place? Probably not. Courage through adversity and all that....
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